if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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