It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
