she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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