I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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