dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
