You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
