And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
