Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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