I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He felt like a one man threesome
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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