She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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