U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
