OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
