Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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