He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
