I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
