Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
