He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
