i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
