If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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