i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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