Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
