At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Randomize
