Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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