Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
