We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
