she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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