I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
