Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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