please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
