You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
