im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
