my mouth tastes like poor choices
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
