i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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