I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
