I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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