I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
