The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
