I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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