i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
