Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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