omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
