His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
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