You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
