I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
