I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
