guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
