Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
