just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
