I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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