as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
