i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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