i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
