Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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