I can tuck mytits in my pants
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
