and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
