K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She bit a glass in half.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
