3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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