so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
